MixedUp Love and a Brick Wall
by Death Goddess Assassin
Summary: After Joren loses a fight, he hits Kel over the head with his sword. When she wakes up she has a VERY contorted version of Tortall (she thinks Alanna and Wyldon are TWINS for Mithros' sake). Revised and Complete.
1. King Joren and Squire Hollyrose

**I finally revised it. I had to fic the errors with the whole "…" things. So here's the revised chapter one.  **

- - - - -

"Oh look…a coconut."  
  
Joren of Stone Mountain looked at the apple. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Why, yes, I am," said Keladry of Mindelan.  
  
Perturbed, he glanced at her. "I knew this duel was a bad idea."  
  
"Did you say something?" she asked.  
  
Slowly he began to edge away. "I think I should go get Neal. Seriously, Mindelan, are you okay?"  
  
Kel glanced at him crazily and he could feel his eye twitch. "No…I guess not. Mithros, I didn't hit you that hard!"  
  
"My, you're a real cutie," she said brightly. "Want to come to my room tonight? We can have a lot of fun."  
  
"Scratch that," Joren muttered. He turned around and began to amble toward the path. He hadn't gone a foot when Kel tackled him.  
  
"What the…Mindelan! Get off me!"  
  
"Don't leave me," she whimpered. "I'm scared of the dark!"  
  
"Uh…Mindelan? We're in broad daylight."  
  
Kel blinked. "Huh? Oh. We are, aren't we? Thank you for pointing that out for me."  
  
"You're welcome. I think. Gods, what have I done?"  
  
"Nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure," she said reasonably.  
  
"For Mithros' Sake, Mindelan, you don't even know what I'm talking about," he snapped irritably, unclamping her arms from around his waist and sitting up.  
  
"I don't? Well, that explains a lot. Why do you keep calling me Mindelan?"  
  
"Because that's your name, stupid," Joren shouted.  
  
"Is Stupid my name also?" she wondered. "Is my name Mindelan of Stupid?"  
  
"Yes, okay? You're name is Mindelan of Stupid."  
  
"It can't be, though," she protested.  
  
"Why the hell not?" Joren shrieked.  
  
"Because my name is Nealan of Hollyrose."  
  
"…Nealan…of…Hollyrose?"  
  
"Yep," she said proudly. "My husband's name is Merric. Do you know him?"  
  
"…Husband…Merric?"  
  
"Uh-huh. I have a brother. His name is Joren of Runnerspring. Hey! You two have the same name. My brother's gay, though. That's why he married Owen of Runnerspring."  
  
"I am not gay!"  
  
"Well of course not silly. I never said you were. You're too cute to be gay."  
  
"And, uh, Mindelan? Owen is of Jesslaw."  
  
Kel shook her head. "No, Owen is of Runnerspring. Roald is of Jesslaw. And my name is Neal!"  
  
"Then who's the prince?"  
  
She looked at him, surprised. "Why, Raoul of Cavall. Where have you been?"  
  
"Does he have a wife?"  
  
"Yes, actually. Her name is Alanna. Alanna has a twin named Wyldon. Wyldon has a whole bunch of lovers, women and men alike. Did you know Jonathan of Goldenlake and Daine of Hollyrose-that's my husband Merric's little sister- have both been in his bed several times?"  
  
Joren's ribs ached from suppressed laughter. _Screw_ _Neal_, he thought. _This is just too good.  
  
_"What fief did Alanna belong to?" he asked.  
  
"Stone Mountain, I believe. She was Lord Burchard's sister up until Raoul wooed her away."_  
  
Oh...my gods.  
  
_"What fief do you belong to?" Kel asked him.  
  
"Um."_ I'll just think of something. Whatever I say will probably make sense to her if not to anybody else. _"I belong to Fief Conte. Joren of Conte. I am the king."  
  
Kel's eyes widened and she bowed low. "Sire! And to think I've been thinking all these naughty thoughts about you."  
  
Curiosity got the better of Joren. "What kind of thoughts?"  
  
"Oh, you throwing me down on the grass over there and doing very un-kingly things to me."  
  
_Okay_, he thought._ Time to get her back to the palace.  
  
_"Come on, Min…Neal. We'll take you back to the palace."  
  
"Goody."  
  
"You do know you're a squire, right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And a girl."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And that Alanna of Cavall is a knight also."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"And she's a girl."  
  
"Yes. Her twin Wyldon was a girl also. But then he got Lady Numair of Queenscove to change him."  
  
"Lady who of what?!"  
  
"Lady Numair of Queenscove. My cousin. She's very nice. She's Faleron's wife. She was of Jesslaw, but then she married."  
  
"Um…okay."  
  
This was getting scary, and incredibly ridiculous. It was still funny though. Joren shook his head, a smile gracing his lips as he glanced at Kel. She was brightly observing the woods, her hazel eyes taking in the scenery. She looked so innocent and cute like that._  
  
Whoa Bessie. Where did that come from?_ He risked another glance at her. Though it was true…During her years as a page she had been a tall, heavy, boyish-looking girl. After a year of being a squire, she had come back at fifteen as a very mature girl. Not exactly pretty…but appealing and, at times, cute. Her hair was brown and had not been cut in a while, so it just barely reached her shoulders. Those hazel eyes had more green in them than he remembered, and her curling lashes were longer, impossibly so. She was still tall, but she had slimmed some, making her figure more…prominent. He had been shocked when she walked in with her knight-master that day.  
  
"There's the palace," he murmured, more to himself than his lady companion.  
  
"It's very nice," Kel said. "Do you have a wife, or a lover?"  
  
Startled, Joren looked at her. "I don't have a wife. But I have a number of lovers."  
  
She twisted a brown tendril around her finger coquettishly. "Can I be one of them?" she asked slyly.  
  
He choked. "Pardon?" he gasped. "Did you just say you wanted to be my lover?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
If it had been any other woman, in any other condition he probably would have agreed. But this was Kel, his enemy, and there was still a bit of his mind that said it wouldn't be right to take advantage of her when she was like this.  
  
"Well, uh…I'd have to think about it."  
  
"Think away."  
  
Joren shook his head and pulled on her arm to speed up her slow pace.  
  
- - - - -  
  
Kel followed him to the door that would take them to where the squires ate. He felt nervous, because this was basically his fault. If he hadn't been such a sore loser and hit the back of her head with the flat of the sword, she wouldn't have woken up in such a confused state of mind. Gathering his courage, Joren pushed the door open and stepped in, holding her hand tightly. He found that if he let her out of his sight she would run off after people she thought-in her estranged mind-were different people.  
  
Silence reigned when they stepped through. Joren figured it had something to do with the fact that he was holding her hand.  
  
"Look," Kel whispered in his ear, pointing at King Jonathan of Conte. "That's Jonathan of Goldenlake." She frowned. "Why aren't they bowing? Aren't they respectful of your status?"  
  
"Um…just keep quiet. Please."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Si-Jonathan," he began, uncomfortably aware of the grumble that went around the room. "I need to talk to you in private."  
  
"Why," the king asked, "did you call me by my first name?"  
  
"Because he's the king," Kel prompted.  
  
"Shut up," Joren hissed, pinching her arm.  
  
"Ow," she moaned. "That hurt."  
  
"What's going on?" Queen Thayet asked.  
  
"Why should she want to know?" Kel asked Joren in a whisper. "She's just a servant."  
_  
Hoo boy.  
  
_"It's a long story, and I'll tell it to you in private once I-"  
  
"I think you better explain right here," Lord Wyldon of Cavall said coldly. Remembering what Kel had said earlier about him, Joren coughed to cover his snort of laughter.  
  
"Mindelan and I were dueling in that wood over there. I, uh, hit her in the back of the head with the flat of my sword. She kind of…fainted, and when she woke up, her version of Tortall was very disoriented.  
  
"For example?"  
  
"Well…she seems to think her name is Nealan of Hollyrose. Her husband is Merric, or it was. She thinks I am King Joren of Conte. She thinks that Jonathan of Goldenlake and Daine of Runnerspring are Wyldon of Stone Mountain's lovers."  
  
There were a couple of snickers.  
  
"Lord Wyldon is Lady Alanna's twin-"  
  
"Say what?!"  
  
Baron George Cooper of Pirate's Swoop shushed his wife.  
  
"Lord Wyldon was a woman but he asked Lady Numair of Queenscove, Squire Faleron's wife, to change him into a man."  
  
This time the whole room broke into laughter.  
  
"Lady Alanna is Raoul of Cavall's wife. She was of Stone Mountain. Her brother is Joren of Runnerspring and he is married to Owen of Runnerspring. Shut up. Stop laughing! I am not gay! Prince Roald is of Jesslaw."  
  
Roald squeaked.  
  
"Raoul of Cavall happens to be the prince of Tortall, and so Lady Alanna is princess."  
  
Not a single word was spoken.  
  
"How hard did you hit her?" Raoul of Goldenlake, Kel's knight-master, said sweetly.  
  
"I didn't think I hit her that hard," Joren replied, annoyed.  
  
"Bull," the real Nealan of the real Queenscove shouted. He was Kel's best friend. "You meant to."  
  
"I did not," he yelled back.  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"I know I didn't."  
  
"…"  
  
"Guys, just shut up," Lady Alanna of Olau and Pirate's Swoop, otherwise known as the Lioness, said. "We'll straighten this out. Stone Mountain, take her to her rooms and then go to yours so we can-"  
  
"Sadly, I can't do that," he said glumly.  
  
"Dammit, why not?"  
  
"At first she wanted us to be lovers. Then she got the idea from gods-know- what that we were already lovers. From there she just figured she was my betrothed, never mind the fact she was married to Hollyrose."  
  
"What does that have to do with anything? Though it is an eerie turn-on."  
  
"She pitches a fit if I leave her for more than five seconds."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"She wandered off the path when we were coming out of the wood and started screaming her bloody head off when she couldn't find me. It took me ten minutes to assure her I was there. And then five more to convince her I was the real king and not an imposter."  
  
"Are you suggesting you sleep in the same room?"  
  
"Hell no," Cleon of Kennan snarled, jumping up. "You just want to paw her and-"  
  
"Ew, Kennan, that's disgusting."  
  
"What's wrong with Kel?" Owen of Jesslaw shouted.  
  
"A lot of things, but I'll just say she's not my type."  
  
Joren glanced behind him to see what she was doing. He hoped she wasn't listening. Apparently she wasn't. Actually, Kel was looking around in an interested manner. She caught his eye and smiled. He smiled back stiffly.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, she's not your type?" Neal barked.  
  
"Just shut up," Wyldon roared. Joren suspected he was a little irritated by what Kel thought he was. "Stone Mountain, share a room with Mindelan if it means that much to you! Everybody else, be silent!"  
  
"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" the Lioness muttered.  
  
"Lioness, do us all a favor and shut up."  
  
The air around Alanna crackled briefly as it turned purple. Then she regained control, relaxed, and instead glared at him fiercely with her famous violet eyes. Her husband stroked her red curls gratefully and then fixed his attention back on Joren and Kel.  
  
"If I may-"  
  
"You may not," Wyldon interrupted the Lioness.  
  
"Fine then." She stood up. George followed suit when he saw her glare. "But when Jonathan and Daine find new lovers don't come crying to me."  
  
Joren snickered, as did others when she left leaving a purple-faced training master in her wake. He turned to Kel and nudged her.  
  
"Come on, wife. We need to get to bed."


	2. A Tale of Two Duckies

"No, Neal, I don't think that would be appropriate for the Midwinter Ball."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Sticking carrot sticks up our nose and celery in our ears does not strike me as a very, er, mature fashion statement."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Unless you want to wake Mindelan and listen to her babble about absolutely nothing I suggest you shut up."  
  
Stiffly, Cleon and Neal turned to Joren, who stood in Kel's doorway leaning against the frame. His ice blue eyes took them in, then dismissed them as any type of threat.  
  
"Why don't you make us, Stone Mountain?" Neal snapped.  
  
"I would, but I have no desire to wake Mindelan."  
  
"Aw, is widdle Joren taking care of his baby Kel?"  
  
His eyes flashed as he straightened against the doorframe to face Cleon. "In case you didn't listen to all that I said in front of everyone back there, Mindelan is a little unstable right this moment. You try handling a girl who thinks I am her second husband and her king and that she is Nealan of Hollyrose and Merric's wife. Try listening to her babble about court gossip that could not possibly be true."  
  
"How do you know it's not true?" Neal asked curiously.  
  
"Queenscove, I honestly don't believe Jonathan of Goldenlake is making wild passionate love to Owen of Runnerspring, though, according to her, it's quite the talk."  
  
Cleon silently watched Joren brush a lock of white-blond hair out of his face. "You really didn't mean to hurt her?"  
  
"Actually, I did. But not so hard she would wake up with an extremely mixed- up version of Tortall and its inhabitants."  
  
"I suppose that's the closest to an apology as you can get."  
  
"Yep."  
  
The redhead sighed and shook his head. "You're hopeless."  
  
"Why, thank you."  
  
"Can we come in?"  
  
"Why?" Joren asked. "Mindelan is asleep. There really isn't a point."  
  
"I just want to see her," Cleon mumbled, reddening.  
  
"Ah. I get it. You have the hots for everyone's favorite slut. Not surprising."  
  
Neal growled. "You should shut up, Stone." He smirked. "Even if she was a slut, she wouldn't have been in as many men's beds as you have."  
  
Joren took a step forward. "I," he snarled, "am not gay. So get over it."  
  
"_Suuuure_."  
  
He glared at them. A soft murmuring came from behind him. He glanced behind him, then jerked his head back to glare at them.  
  
"Oh, great. You woke her up. Act like everything she says is true."  
  
"Uh, Stone?" Cleon said. "Why don't you just tell her the truth?"  
  
"I actually think it would damage her brain."  
  
"How could it get more messed up as it is? She thinks Alanna and Wyldon are twins, for Mithros' Sake."  
  
"Too much information at one time could mess her up anymore, so that when she finally comes to terms with it she may just go insane. Brain-overload," Neal said.  
  
"Hi," Kel said, peeking sleepily over Joren's shoulders. Involuntarily, Cleon's gaze wondered to what her thin nightgown barely revealed.  
  
"Shame on you, Kennan," Joren sneered.  
  
"Have you met my husband?" she asked brightly.  
  
"Yes. Yes, we have."  
  
"Cute, isn't he?" she said.  
  
"Yes. Very."  
  
Cleon and Joren stared at Neal. He shrugged. "You told me to act like everything she said was true. I was just acting."  
  
Joren glared at Neal, who smiled sweetly, and turned to Kel. "Eh. Wife. Go back to bed."  
  
"Why?" she asked. "It's only noon. It's time for lunch."  
  
"No, it's not. It's time for bed. Go back to bed."  
  
"Lalasa said it was noon."  
  
"Who is Lalasa?"  
  
"Her."  
  
Kel pointed at Jump, the not-so-pretty dog of hers. "She said it was noon."  
  
Joren glanced at the two stunned faces of her friends and smirked. "Well then, I guess we should go get some lunch, huh?"  
  
"Lunch? But it's time for bed."  
  
"Right. Of course. How could I forget? Go to bed."  
  
"But it's time for lunch."  
  
"Then go get lunch."  
  
"But it's time for bed."  
  
"Damn it, then go to bed."  
  
"But it's time for-"  
  
"Go to bed, and I'll bring you lunch."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What the hell do you mean why?"  
  
"It's time for breakfast."  
  
"Go to bed and I'll bring you some food."  
  
"But I'm not hungry."  
  
"Then go to bed."  
  
"But I'm starving!"  
  
Joren grabbed the back of her collar and pulled her to the bed. He shoved her down. "Stay," he ordered. "It is time for bed. Go to sleep."  
  
"Okay." She fell asleep immediately.  
  
"That sort of reminds me of when I was younger and I had to take care of my sister," Neal said thoughtfully. "It must be hard."  
  
"Queenscove," Joren said, shocked. "Are you-are you sympathizing with me?"  
  
"Why, yes I am."  
  
"Oh, oh, Queenscove, I'm touched," he gasped, clutching his heart.  
  
"Yeah, touched in the head," Cleon muttered.  
  
"You should be touched," Neal said loftily. "I know you're flattered to be in favor of yours truly. It's not everyday a guy likes you for you and not for your body, now is it Stoned?"  
  
"Shut up, Queenscove," Joren snapped. "You and I both know I'm not gay."  
  
"Ah," Neal said in a wise voice, "perhaps you think we both know you're not gay. But I think we both know you are."  
  
"Hey Queenscove?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Okay."  
  
- - - - -  
  
"Quack!  
  
"Quack, quack, duckies! Quack, quack, quack!"  
  
"Kel! Come back! You are not a ducky!"  
  
"QUACK!  
  
"Quack, DUCKY!"  
  
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!  
  
Unaware of the eyes of squires and knights and the royal couple themselves, Joren ran after Kel, who ran after the duck, who ran away from Kel, who ran away from Joren. The duck quacked as she grabbed his neck. "DUCKY!"  
  
"No! Bad Kel! BAD! Leave Ducky alone!"  
  
"DUCKY!"  
  
"Kel, I am NOT a duck! No! Stop, no! Heh, hee hee, that tickles! Stop! STOP!!!"  
  
"Ducky."  
  
"Fine. I'm a ducky. We're both duckies, okay?"  
  
"I'm a ducky?"  
  
"Yep. You're a ducky."  
  
"You're a ducky?"  
  
"Yep. I'm a ducky."  
  
"We're both duckies?"  
  
"Yep. We're both duckies."  
  
"Is that a ducky?"  
  
"No, that's a Queenscove."  
  
"Oh. What about that?"  
  
"That's a potato."  
  
"Oh. So we're the only duckies?"  
  
"Other than that ducky over there, yep, we're the only duckies."  
  
"Yay."  
  
"Yay."  
  
"Yay."  
  
"Yay."  
  
"It's kind of cute," Cleon whispered to his friends. "This sure isn't the Joren I know."  
  
"He probably thinks that if he takes care of Kel, he'll be let off the hook when her memory comes back," Owen muttered.  
  
"You didn't see him last night. He was actually kind of patient with her."  
  
Alanna, who had been standing behind her squire for a while, said, "I think he's in love with her."  
  
All the squires at the table spat out their drinks and busted up in laughter. She looked down her small nose at them. "Why do you laugh?"  
  
"First of all, my lovely redheaded lady," Neal began, his eyes watering, "Joren happens to despise Kel. And her him."  
  
"How do you know he hasn't changed?" she asked wisely.  
  
"Last time he said that he kidnapped Lalasa and took her to Balor's Needle."  
  
"True. But notice the way he looks at her. If he truly loathed her, would he be taking care of her like that?"  
  
"Well, I-"  
  
"Think about it, squire. It may be harder for you, seeing how you're male-" she sniffed-"but you cannot be so dense as to not see beyond his cold eyes. Oh, I just sounded a little poetic just then didn't I?"  
  
"Joren hates Kel."  
  
"Obviously I was wrong about the whole density thing," Alanna said under her breath. She clapped Neal's shoulder and walked away.  
  
"You don't think she's serious, do you?" Cleon said desperately.  
  
"Dude, chill out," Prince Roald said.  
  
"Did you just call me dude?"  
  
"I really can't see Kel with Joren," Neal assured him.  
  
"Really," Merric added. "Kel will surely go for you."  
  
"I can't believe you just said dude, and to me no less."  
  
"Cleon?" Neal said suddenly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Okay."


	3. Did I Mention I Love Brick Walls?

Joren sat under a tree, in the shade so he could protect his skin, and kept an eye on Kel the Ducky while reading a book. He found that he couldn't do either one, though it wasn't for lack of trying. It was simply because Kel looked so cute and funny. She was swimming around the pond behind a mother duck and her six ducklings. It actually appeared that the mother thought she was her baby too.  
  
But she's not her baby, a smug voice said. She's mine.  
  
Sighing, Joren tossed the book aside and leaned back to watch his newly discovered crush. In spite of the fact that he hated her as a page, he found that he couldn't now. Something had changed him, something that looked remarkably like a tall brunette with hazel-green eyes and rosy cheeks.  
  
Hm, that voice said. Wonder who that could be.  
  
There was no denying now what he knew all along: he was in love with her (Quick A/N: I know Joren is a little OOC in this chap, but I can't help it. I have a weakness for tough men with a soft side to them). He ran his fingers through his pale hair with a smile on his face.  
  
Across the pond, Alanna the Lioness, Daine the Wildmage, Queen Thayet the Peerless, and Commander Buriram caught the smile and grinned at each other evilly.  
  
"You think?" Buri asked.  
  
"I know," Thayet said smugly, flicking a black lock over her shoulder and glancing down at her friend over a strongly built nose. Daine snickered.  
  
"I never would have thought," she said, fingering a smoky curl while staring at Joren thoughtfully with those grave blue-gray eyes. "Numair and I always saw them fighting when we were at the palace. They hated each other then. It was obvious."  
  
"Something changed him," Alanna agreed, her curly red hair bouncing as she nodded.  
  
"What about that Kennan fellow?" Buri asked curiously. "He's had his eyes on Kel."  
  
"He has since they were pages," Daine said.  
  
"I honestly don't know who will win," Thayet said. "But I don't know any of them very well, so I can't say anything anyway."  
  
"Personally?" Alanna said. "I'm all for Joren. Cleon and Kennan seems nice and all, but I think Joren suits her better. Don't you?"  
  
"I like Cleon," Daine said.  
  
"I feel a 'but' coming on," Buri said, grinning.  
  
"But," Daine agreed, "Joren seems to me the type that would make a commitment and stick to it. As long as it was a commitment he thought up and had analyzed from all angles. If it doesn't do anything for him, forget it."  
  
"What could Kel give him that other women can't?" Thayet asked.  
  
"Sex," they said together.  
  
"Yay for sex," Alanna hooted.  
  
"And love," Buri added. "Kel would love him until her dying day."  
  
"If she'd let herself," Alanna said.  
  
"True," she agreed.  
  
"A good life," Daine said. "Kel would do whatever she can to make him happy."  
  
"And vice-versa."  
  
"But first we need to get Kel back to-"  
  
"DUCKY!"  
  
"No, Kel! BAD GIRL!"  
  
"QUAAAAAAAAACK!"  
  
There was a flurry of movement as Kel splashed out of the pond and after a runaway duck. Immediately sensing it, Joren had leapt to his feet and was now hurrying after her. Alanna and Daine stumbled right; Thayet and Buri lunged left, parting the way for the threesome.  
  
"Kel, please come back!"  
  
"Ducky," she yelled stubbornly.  
  
She pursued that ducky until they reached the practice courts, where most of the squires were, and where the king and a few knights watched. Over on the other side, some men worked on building a brick wall that was supposed to be a new kind of outhouse. They had all stopped when they heard the first cry of "ducky" and were scurrying out of the way upon the arrival of one duck and two duckies.  
  
The duck was flapping its wings frantically as the girl got closer. Joren realized what was going to happen with a sinking heart.  
  
"Kel, watch out for that-"  
  
Crack.  
  
"Brick wall," Joren gasped. "Shit. Oh, shit. Major shit."  
  
He stumbled toward Kel's limp body and shook her. "Kel! Kel, are you all right? SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!!"  
  
"He's so in love," the Eda Bell the Wildcat said sadly. "It's almost pitiful."  
  
"Almost?" the Lioness said, coming up beside her. "Honey, it is pitiful."  
  
"Get your paws of me, Stone Mountain," Kel groaned, stirring.  
  
"K-Kel? Is it you? Is it really you?"  
  
"Of course it's me. Who did you think I was?"  
  
"Well first I thought you were Nealan of Hollyrose. Then you were my lover. Then you were my wife. Then you were a ducky. It's hard to keep track of so many different people, you know."  
  
"I'm confused," Kel said.  
  
"It started like this," Neal said, and launched onto a detailed (and slightly exaggerated) tale starting from when she arrived at the palace in her condition up until now.  
  
"Bricks," Joren shouted suddenly. They stared at him. "Oh gods, how I love bricks."  
  
He ran up to the brick wall Kel had run into and threw himself up against it.  
  
"I love brick walls. I love brick walls. I love brick walls. Mithros, do I love brick walls. No more Kel to tell me how duckies survive in an earthquake. No more Kel to tell me how she caught Wyldon and his twin sister Alanna making out in a broom closet-"  
  
Someone broke up into uncontrollable laughter, starting a chain reaction.  
  
"Joren of Stone Mountain," Kel said, crawling toward him and tugging on his pants leg while her friends giggled like children. "You mean to tell me you took care of me while I was, er, on vacation?"  
  
"Vacation?" Joren smirked. "Quaintly put, love."  
  
"You took care of me?" she demanded.  
  
"So?" Joren snapped uncomfortably. "That doesn't mean anything."  
  
"Oh, get over yourself, Stone Mountain, and admit it," Alanna said crossly. "You're in love with the squire."  
  
"I am not! I am in love with brick walls."  
  
"Squire."  
  
"Brick."  
  
"Squire."  
  
"Brick."  
  
"Squire."  
  
"Brick."  
  
"Brick."  
  
"Squire. Wait."  
  
"Ha HAH. Gotcha," Alanna said wickedly. She begins to do a little dance.  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
"Pardon."  
  
"Oh, shut up, my lady."  
  
"That's better."  
  
"So are you in love with me?" Kel asked, her eyes sparkling.  
  
"Well-"  
  
"Say it."  
  
There was a collective breath.  
  
"I-"  
  
"Come on, now."  
  
"I-"  
  
"Hurry it up, we don't have all day."  
  
"Iloveyou," Joren muttered.  
  
"What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you," Kel said sweetly.  
  
"For Mithros' Sake, Kel, I LOVE YOU!!!"  
  
"That's better."  
  
Daine and Buri sighed dreamily.  
  
"Well, Cleon, it seems you lost," Owen said sympathetically, patting his shoulder.  
  
Cleon shrugged. "I guess we just weren't meant to be, is all. I'm betrothed anyway."  
  
Alanna made suggested kissing sounds.  
  
"Come on now, dears. You know you want to kiss."  
  
Joren glared at the Lioness while fighting back a fierce blush. Kel grinned at him.  
  
"Well? I'm waiting."  
  
He leaned toward her, planning to peck her lightly. As soon as his lips touched hers, though, she wrapped a hand around his neck to keep him from pulling back.  
  
"You're cute," she murmured against his mouth. "Want to come to my rooms later and have fun."  
  
That's when he realized. "You were acting?!" he shrieked. "You mean to tell me that ducky shit was just a game?"  
  
"Rather convincing, don't you think?"  
  
Alanna cackled. "MWAHAHAHAHA! My plan worked."  
  
"You were on this too?" Joren said shrilly.  
  
"Daine came up with the ducky idea," the Lioness said defensively.  
  
"You were all for the Nealan of Hollyrose," Daine argued.  
  
"Who came up with the Wyldon thing?" King Jonathan said, his eyes crinkling.  
  
Kel cleared her throat.  
  
"Yes, Squire Keladry?"  
  
"Ducky."  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Daine, Alanna, Thayet and I made some stuff up," Buri admitted. "But most credit goes to Kel."  
  
"Ducky."  
  
"Kel?" Joren said.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Ducky."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Ducky."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Ducky!"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"DUCKY!"


End file.
